Where do we start with a client from a challenging family:
Taking care of your mental health in a complex family can feel like walking a tightrope, balancing your needs with the dynamics around you. It involves setting boundaries, seeking support from understanding friends or professionals, and finding ways to slow down and select what it is you want. This tightrope walk is often compounded by generational and cultural differences. In many parts of the world, stigma surrounds mental health, making it difficult for individuals to seek support or find understanding within their families while not being able to ask for help from the outside either. Here, we use the Problem-Solving Brief Therapy Model to explore solution-focused strategies rooted in therapy and cultural sensitivity to bridge these divides and build preferable family dynamics.
Solution-focused therapy offers a client centered approach by emphasizing strengths and positive outcomes rather than dwelling on problems. This model focuses on looking at what is troubling you- through your eyes, and this allows us to see more clearly what change is wanted. Problem Solving Brief Therapy encourages collaboration and empowers individuals to take active steps towards change. We hold firmly that we need to build a picture of good enough for the person who is suffering, and not get too wrapped up in a normative or perfect vision of self or family- it can be very unproductive.
How to deal with family conflict from a solution focus point of view:
When faced with familial conflict it is helpful to consult with someone who can help the conflict be seen from multiple perspectives, so that a productive outlook can be created. Family members can also achieve greater consideration when they try to look at the intent of different family members, the context of their behaviors and acknowledge any hardship or abuse they may have endured in their family. Finding someone who has some distance from the pain can help distinguish different pain points and which are most important to address. The therapist can then support the process of selecting where to focus. Consulting with Problem Solving Brief Therapist will help you focus on what is most important as well as supporting the challenges that might arise, like acknowledging and working through any trauma that may have been faced. The Problem-Solving Brief Therapist supports the client through actionable and sustainable change, so that a shift can occur in how they relate to their family.
How to look at change in the family from PSBT point of view :
Everyone is a sum of their past. Every time we retell our story from the past, we reshape our voice for who we want to be -from the point of view of neural pathways-, what our pain has been and ultimately where we have choice. There are some problems we can address, some that are without an end and some that may seem problematic BUT ultimately, we can tolerate once we define them more closely. In therapy it is helpful to tease apart these elements, so that our orientation to our family can be clearer and our goals with family therapy can be both realistic and doable.
Cultural sensitivity is built into Problem Solving Brief Therapy:
Embracing cultural competence and mutual respect is crucial as a practitioner. It is key to recognize and honor diverse belief systems and cultural practices when someone is advocating for their mental health. This model does this by emphasizing the client’s use of words, their meaning and how they see the world and their problem. When you do this in earnest, you do not have to belong to the same group: you can ask as many questions as needed to deeply understand and this is done until the client asking for help says they feel heard. We model this acceptance that is needed in families, when we use respectful listening and emphasize what is important to the client that comes in. Problem solving therapy can also help focus on the things we can change in doable ways, while promoting acceptance in the areas we need to let go and perhaps grieve.
It is not easy to bridge the gap between generations when it comes to mental health. Achieving positive change for ourselves and our families requires the willingness to think in gray. The person in the family who is going to therapy is taking on this learning, in many ways, on behalf of their entire family. For example, “I go to therapy because my mom didn’t.” By focusing on the solutions first, we can more quickly create a supportive and inclusive environment for our families and bring the lessons of therapy into our everyday relationships.
We don’t need to work with the whole family to impart change. When one person makes a change and sticks with it, the system shifts. This is sometimes a pleasant thing -especially for the person who sought help–and sometimes not. Support and clarity around the goals and the advantages and disadvantages to change, help to simplify the family therapy process and help people craft a narrative that is empowering even when they are grieving things that are painful and troubling.
We don’t promise unicorns and rainbows, and at the same time feeling a sense of clarity and choice can be very heartening and enlivening when faced with the complexities that family presents. In this way, it is never too late for a happy childhood. When you see yourself, willfully shape yourself and become proud of who you are- the childhood takes on a whole new light. It does not take away the pain or impressions it left, but it can free us from the burden or wishes for something that can’t be.
If you found what we’ve shared in this blog interesting, you can’t miss our upcoming workshop!
*Break the Cycle – Freeing Clients from the Happy Childhood Trap*
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